more thoughts about control issues…
Just about every time I stop to reflect on my life I find myself struggling with control issues. When I am tired, I want more control of how many hours I get to sleep at night (unfortunately not a choice at this season in my life). When my kids are “having a hard time” as we like to say, I want more control over their behavior. When I can’t imagine how our family is going to get through the next month, or just the next week, I want more control of my finances, my time, my day. This song has been playing around our house for the last month, and only recently have I stopped to listen to the words, and each time I do I have to gulp back the tears. The message is clear to me. I am not my own. I belong to God. He is my creator, He is my God, He is in control of my life and the lives of my loved ones who choose to follow Him. I have accepted that and embraced that all my life, but I think I’ve tried to put a clause next to my name in God’s book of life. It probably reads: “I’m all yours God, but sometimes I would like the privilege of forgetting whose really in charge so I can attempt to take control of my life, but when my attempts fail would you please come back and pick up the pieces of the mess I’ve made?” Good thing God has a sense of humor.
So yes, I have established that I have control issues. While I don’t want to accept an excuse, as I get a little older each year, I see a bit more of the foolishness of my thinking. You see I have been raised to be an independent, capable, confident woman. My parents instilled it in me, my teachers and mentors confirmed that in me, and even my friends would mostly agree. But many times I take that to mean submission is not that big of a deal. It get’s easier to understand submission to my parents- in the form of loving and honoring them; it get’s easier to understand submission to my husband- as we embrace a powerful partnership for life; I understand submission to those in authority over me (boss, law, etc.); so why is recognizing God as the ultimate authority in my life so hard to remember day in and day out. This is where A Mighty Fortress comes in. I am reminded of God’s LORDSHIP (which for some reason does not come up in regular conversation for me these days). I am reminded that He is KING and I am his subject. But not a nameless faceless subject, a beloved daughter. Are we afraid to embrace these images of God, as if it’s just an old-fashioned political cultural thing? I don’t think God runs a democracy (though sometimes I wish He did- if only he’d let us decide what was just!)
I reflect on the words of this song, and I am relieved. Relieved that the answer to my complex control issues starts with ONE simple task- keep my eyes on Him. So that is the baby step I will take today. And these tear-filled eyes will do there best to stay open (since I’ve been up since 4:30am with a lovely toddler).
Our God is, a consuming fire,
A burning holy Flame, with glory and freedom
Our God is, the only righteous judge,
Ruling over us with kindness and wisdomWe will keep our eyes on You
We will keep our eyes on YouA mighty fortress is our God
A sacred refuge is Your Name
Your Kingdom is unshakable
With You forever we will reignOur God is, jealous for His own
None could comprehend, His love and His mercy
Our God is exalted on His throne
High above the heavens
Forever He’s worthy…We will keep our eyes on You
We will keep our eyes on YouWe will keep our eyes on You
We will keep our eyes on You
So we can set our hearts on You
Lord we will set our hearts on You!
